Monday, October 20, 2008

the inflation Christmas gift list

I received the Neiman Marcus (Needless Mark-up) Christmas Book today. It's glossy pages are jammed with glitzy, expensive, luxurious gifts for the one who has everything and wants more.

This year's WOW! list has a couple of nice things for the yard.

First, if your yard is of a modest size, you can put 530 square yards of sporting history into your own backyard: An entire Dallas Cowboys Texas Stadium end zone. Our exclusive package also includes the VIP treatment for the last regular season Cowboys game in Texas Stadium. Your crew gets pre-game photos in your zone with Jerry Jones, a luxury suite for the game, and a once-in-a-lifetime post-game tailgate party on your soon-to be new backyard (with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, no less). Now what more could you ask for in these perilous financial times? Price tag? $500,00, installation not included. The house isn't either. If I hadn't used up my back yard space with a pool and a deck, you know be thinking about it.

If your yard it a bit bigger, you might like the Jack Nicklaus custom backyard golf course.

He'll create a formal design plan and color renderings for up to three holes and a practice area, depending on the size of your back forty. Your construction crew (Get that? Your construction crew. Site preparation and construction costs NOT included) builds from it, with supervision from Jack's world-class design team. Now to sink the winning putt; when your course is finished, the Golden Bear himself will stop by to play the first round with you, personally. He'll throw in a custom set of Nicklaus clubs, including a personalized bag. The cost of this fanciful gift? Beginning at $1,000,000.

Some of my friends are doing house repairs/remodelings. Here's a nice addition to any home, providing you do have some extra space not taken up with a pull-out sofa for the visiting in-laws or an Exercycle.

This is an authentic Guinness Home Pub. Celebrate the 250th anniversary of that first delicious keg with our exclusive, once-in-a-lifetime gift. The folks at RiRa Pubs® will design a fully functional, traditional Irish pub and build it in your home in 2009. It will be crafted from historic Irish architectural elements and authentic Guinness artifacts. There's also a VIP trip for two to Dublin with first class airfare, luxury accommodations, and insider access to the magic still being made at the historic working St. James's Gate brewery. Plus fresh Guinness Stout for your pub. For an entire year. The catch? Aside from having to be 21 or over, site preparation costs not included. In other words, you build it and they will come. Method of delivery of beer will be subject to legal restrictions and requirements in the gift recipient's state of residence. But for $250,000, you surely won't care.

Since I am in the market for a new car, I took a look at this offering.

This black beauty BMW comes with every bell and whistle you could imagine, all for $160,000. Oh, and price excludes all taxes, title, licensing, registration fees, and transportation costs. So add another, um, $10,000.

There's also a wedding bonanza at the Resort at Pelican Hill® in Newport Beach, CA for $1,300,00, but it does include the cake. For $110,000 you can play with the Harlem Globe Trotters during the 2008-09 season (maybe the Patient would like that), have a life-sized life-like sculpture of yourself made of Legos® for a mere $60,000, or pick up on some medieval- and Renaissance-era rings being fobbed off for a mere $25,000 to $45,000.

Compared to these extravagant toys the rest of the catalog looks positively cheesy. If these goodies are just what you are looking for, call 1-877-9NM-GIFT. And call soon. Quantities are limited and you wouldn't want to miss out.


At 8:30 AM, Blogger mary ann said...

Thanks, I never see the Needless catalog anymore. I think I'll tell Ron-the-slow-painter about the pub and he can plan to be here for the endless remo another decade or so...

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Infield Single said...

You have to wonder if anyone--ever--has ordered one of those preposterous "gifts." The whole thing always strikes me as a gigantic sendup of itself. (Of course, if you'd like to go in with some friends and send me the pub, I'll be glad to have you over for a swift half.)


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